Different types of arguments
Arguments can be like storms – enough bad ones over a long period of time and it can really start to weather away at things.
If, when you argue, you find you’re returning to the same topics over and over again – neither of you willing to hear each others’ point of view and sometimes losing your tempers and saying things you regret – it’s not likely it’s doing any good for your relationship.
You may have got stuck in a conflict loop – repeating the same negative behaviours until they risk causing permanant damage. It’s important to break out of this, as it’s likely to cause resentment to build to a point where it’s hard to focus on anything else.
But if your arguments are only occasional – and they don’t spiral out of control – then you may not have anything to worry about.
Many counsellors agree they’re more concerned about couples who say they never argue than ones who say they do occasionally – if a couple is never bickering, there’s a chance one of them is simply bottling everything up and making themselves very unhappy.
Although it may not be the most productive way of sharing problems, arguing can serve a useful purpose – in that it does usually involve both sides of a couple saying what’s on their mind.